Turning 18 doesn’t only mark the start of officially being an adult but, in many cases, also the beginning of a new chapter in life. The next chapter. Whilst the former probably won’t bring much revelation for me (except finally being able to legally drive on my own), since I’ve felt like an 80 year old in disguise for the past years of my life, I do regard 2018 in general as the start of a new era. The Golden Girl era. An era, where I’m grateful for what I have and ready to work for what I don’t have.
I didn’t resolve to living a happier life over night, which is why I’ve explicitly stated 2018 as the beginning of that era before, not my birthdate March 22. Devil’s in the details. Knowing it may sound pretty cliché in hindsight, the decision to change my lifestyle, my look, the way I perceive others and — ultimately — myself, happened sometime at the beginning of the year. Sounds familiar? Yes, talked about it before. But I’m seemingly not capable of properly putting the emotional terror of feeling “stuck” into words, in order to seal it or let go of it’s reminders. So I’m going to keep talking about the issue until the quantity of my words exceeds their quality and provides relief.
How to move forward when you feel stuck
If you were stuck, what would you do to move forward again? What action would you take first? The classic movie cliché of having one’s leg caught in underwater-rocks, taught us that excessive dragging might only pull one in even deeper, ultimately causing them to drown.
In my case: No drastic, forced style changes and over-night character development. Instead, small steps towards change.
In my case: After almost 3 years, I picked up meditation practice again. Let my hair grow. Temporarily ditched the eyeliner. Another cliché: Bought less, chose well. Hell, I even started running.
Worth more than gold
But whatever outward changes we may face, in the end only the inner ones really matter. It’s what manifests inside that will bring one forward the furthest. Unquestionably, it takes a lot more time to compose a personal “dogma” to live after and call into mind whenever the plug of progress gets pulled by negative thoughts or experiences, than chopping hair of for instance. Now, that sounds an awful lot like cult talk, you may say. It’s not, don’t be scared, don’t click away. What I mean by dogma can be the mere realisation that everything happening in one’s life — may it be good or bad — is part of the individual, non-replicable path everyone has to follow on their own.
Resulting from this realisation I looked back at the weeks, months and years of my life that have gone by and perceived another part as crucial to moving forward or leading a — how the legend says — so-called happy existence: Being grateful. And thus the Golden Girl era, how I like to call it, was born. An era, where I’m grateful for everything that has happened so far because if only a single experience was missing, the path wouldn’t be the same. Therefore, I’m grateful for every repercussion.
I’m grateful for everyone who laughed with me, not about me. But I’m also grateful for the ones, who laughed about me instead of laughing with me. I’m grateful for the people, who didn’t appreciate me, who took me for granted, who hurt me, who wouldn’t love me, who accepted me the way I am, who made me reflect on myself, who stuck with me over the years or said goodbye (or didn’t) at some point. I’m thankful for all these things and people. Because since they’ve happened, great things have been happening and are about to do so. And that’s worth more than gold.
Photography / Makeup / Styling / Modeling
Zara biker jacket. Mango top and jeans.